


Today’s lesson is Rainbows

by zsomeone



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: Crack, F/M, Forced Orgasm, Public Hand Jobs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-06-09
Updated: 2009-06-09
Packaged: 2018-03-16 16:48:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3495665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zsomeone/pseuds/zsomeone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pickles cums rainbows and is being used by a middle school teacher to for a lesson, because prisms are now considered potential weapons. Also, Pickles doesn’t like kids very much.<br/>(This one is a bit hard to explain, but it's inspired by a little art of Pickles doing just that.)<br/>Warnings: Children observing a handjob. Also an OC teacher, but ZERO Pickles/child contact.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Today’s lesson is Rainbows

Charles shook the sleeping drummer. “Wake up Pickles, it’s time for school.”  
Pickles groaned and squinted at the clock. 7:30? Noooo....  
Charles kept shaking him. “Come on, get up, chop chop. You don’t want to be late.”  
Pickles wasn’t happy, but he got up. How could he have known that the punishment for your 407th Public Intoxication offense was community service? The judge had sentenced him to one day as a schoolteacher’s assistant, apparently this teacher had made a special request.  
And unfortunately, today was that day.  
He got dressed, and they left together.

Charles pulled up in front of the school. “Okay, you need to leave your dethphone with me, they don’t allow anything here that could possibly be used as a weapon.”  
Pickles sulkily handed it over, and got out of the car. School. He’d never particularly enjoyed school, and wasn’t all that fond of kids either.   
With a huge sigh, he went into the building.  
The guard recognized him, but made him go through the metal detectors anyway. “They’re waiting for you. Room 103, just down that hall on your right.” He pointed.  
Pickles went.

Room 103. He wondered if he was supposed to knock, then decided to hell with that and just opened the door.  
A middle aged lady in a chunky, drab outfit beamed at him. She wasn’t his type, but Skwisgaar would probably nail her. “Class, this is Mr. Pickles, he’s here to help us with a very important lesson today. Mr. Pickles, we’re so glad you’re here! I’m Mrs. Brown, welcome to our 6th grade class!” She motioned for him to come stand beside her.  
Pickles did, feeling the children’s little beady eyes follow him all the way.  
“Hey lady-“  
“Mrs. Brown. You must call me Mrs. Brown.”  
“Well fuck-“  
“And please don’t swear, there are _children_ present!”

Pickles leaned against the blackboard, school still sucked. What was he supposed to do here anyway?  
Mrs. Brown had turned back to her class. “As you all know, we were supposed to study rainbows this semester. However, due to the latest regulations, prisms are no longer allowed because they might be used as a weapon. But fortunately for us, Mr. Pickles here can produce rainbows without a prism.”  
Pickles was horrified. _This_ was why he was here? Uh-uh, no way, not in front of all these creepy kids.  
“Come on class, bring your chairs and gather around, make sure you have a good view.”  
The children obediently shuffled around, arranging themselves in a semicircle around them.   
“Mr. Pickles, you may begin.”

She couldn’t be serious. She was serious.   
“Oops I almost forgot, here, drink this.” She handed him a very large paper cup of clear liquid.  
“Ya gatta be kiddin’ me. Hey, what is thet anyway?”  
“Vodka. I was told you would require alcohol, and bottles are not allowed, so I brought it from home in a paper cup!”  
Pickles grabbed the cup and drained it. While he was doing that, Mrs. Brown quickly pulled down his pant. His underwear went with them.  
Pickles sputtered in surprise, choking on the last of the vodka. “OH WHAT THA _FUCK_?!!”  
She smacked him with a ruler. “Language, Mr. Pickles!”

“Okay class, I’m assuming most of you have never seen a naked man before, so I’ll point out the key parts before we begin our lesson for today.” Still using the ruler as a pointer, she began, “This is his penis. It is used for urination, and is the part that goes inside a woman during sex. Most men can ejaculate a whitish substance called semen, but Mr. Pickles here ejaculates rainbows. And this below it is his scrotum, which contains his testicles. Now you all will have noticed this hair here, this is called pubic hair. Some of you may already be growing some. Any questions?”  
The class was silent, Pickles was not. “Yah lady, what the hell is yer prablem?”  
“Now, now Mr. Pickles. There’s no need for that attitude. We need some rainbows to study, so if you’ll begin?”  
“Lemme git this straight- Ya want me ta jack aff in front of a buncha kids?”  
“Yes, do you need some assistance? I have an electronic ejaculator“ she holds up a long metal rod “or I suppose I could just lend you a hand.”  
Never before had the prospect of an orgasm been so daunting. “Um... hand?”

“Very well then. Class, watch closely and observe how the penis changes as it becomes aroused.” She began stroking him.  
Pickles closed his eyes, thinking furiously. Jest pretend they’re midgets, yer in a midget porno, tha teacher’s actually hot....  
The vodka was kicking in nicely, and the teacher’s hardworking hand actually felt pretty good. Keeping his eyes tightly shut... midgets, not kids, jest midgets... The sooner he came, the sooner he could get out of here.   
He really would rather not have an electric rod shoved up his ass either, in front of kids or otherwise.  
The teacher worked steadily, and fortunately for him, Pickles soon came.  
The class oohed and ahhed at the sight. Pickles opened his eyes ands looked at the small rainbow hovering in front of him. Some things you just never really get used to, no matter how many times it happens.

Mrs. Brown began her lesson, pointing out all the colors of the spectrum and the order in which they were arranged  
Pickles stood listening, wondering if he was allowed to pull his pants up yet. No, he’d better wait, she might smack him with her ruler again.   
Fortunately the teacher seemed to finish her lecture before the rainbow began to fade, that was good. He’s been really hoping she wouldn’t want more than one. Finally, she turned to him. Thank you Mr. Pickles, you can put your pants back on properly now.”  
He did so, as quickly as he could manage. The rainbow was beginning to fade.  
“Now class, does anyone have any questions about what we’ve learned here today?”

One child had an important question. “Should we taste it? On tv, it always says to taste the rainbow.”  
Mrs. Brown shook her head. “No, that is a commercial for rainbow-colored candies. I’m afraid I can not allow you to taste _this_ rainbow, that would be highly improper.”  
Pickles muttered, “Gawd, like this isn’t totally improper already.”  
“Mr. Pickles? Surely you’re not suggesting that I allow them to sample it?”  
“What?! No! I’m jest sayin’, this whole thing is jest _wrong_. Ya shouldn’t be jackin’ me aff in front of ‘em in tha first place.”  
“Do I need to remind you that you were agreeable to this?”  
“Only ‘cause ya threatened ta shove an electric rod up my ass if I didn’t!”

A bell rang, and the children jumped out of their seats, scrambling for the door. Was this a fire drill? No, it was only recess.  
The rainbow had completely faded away now  
“Well Mr. Pickles, it was a pleasure working with you. I’m afraid that’s all I needed, so you’re free to go. Have the front office call your guardian to come pick you up.”  
Pickles looked at her incredulously, his _guardian_?! But he had been released, that’s all that mattered, so he hurried to locate the front office and get the hell out of here.  
Somewhere over the rainbow...  
There’s no place like home.  
(Git me outta here.)

Gawd, he hated schools.


End file.
